Bait and Switch

written by Russell Pinkston

The bullet struck the last remaining piece of glass in the SUV. The glass showered down upon Scott's head. Bullets thudded off the door that he currently ducked behind. It was Sunday afternoon and had better things to do besides this shit. He was suppose to pick up his little girl from his ex's and take her to the park and maybe they would have seen a movie later. But noooo. He was here dodging bullets instead. Fucking terrorists! They had no respect for other people's lives.
This was an important case. One he has been working on and that had consumed his life for the better part of the past year. They had received a tip that the leader of the terrorist group and his merry band of misfits was holed up in this abandoned warehouse that they currently had surrounded. This group was armed and dangerous. They had some serious firepower and wasn't afraid to use it. His company isssued Suburban currently looked like swiss cheese. Good thing the door that was currently protecting his ass had inch thick metal reinforced plates in it.
The shooting had stop and he stuck up his head to catch a quick glempse. There was some guy waving a white hankerchef. About fucking time they gave up. His superior was on the bullhorn ordering for the guy to get down. The guy yelled back, "Scott Douglas come on down" Scott thought "Hey that was his name". The terrorist scum continued, "I got a present for you." Hey Scott like presents. Scott stood up. His boss yelled at him and told him to get back down. Scott didn't like his boss very much so he ignored the order. Scott didn't always do what he was told. He stood there staring at the terrorist. Scott reconised the guy from one of his photos they had in the file on these assholes. It was Jimbo "not so" Sharp. The number three guy in the group. Indeed this was a good catch and looking to be a great day. "How you doing?", Jimbo asked Scott. "Better than you asshole", Scott replied. "Really...we'll see if we can do anything about that", Jimbo responded. A girl was shoved out the door. Scott could see her blond hair. Jimbo grabbed her by the neck and turned her so Scott could see her face. The girl had something strapped to her chest but Scott didn't notice... It was his girl. He was suppose to spend the day with her and here she was. Scott felt sick...and he mad. Scott stepped out from behind the door and took a couple steps toward them. His partner and friend grabbed his arm. Scott shot her an angry stare. Jen said, "Don't that's what they want. They want you to lose your cool". "No they really don't", Scott told her. "Let the negotiators handle it", she said to him. Yeah like the negotiators haven't fucked anything up and sometimes someone died. Not today, not his little girl. Scott pulled away from Jen and took another step. "Let her go...NOW!" "I like her. She's pretty, like her mom. Well her mom was pretty." Jimbo sneared. Scott raised his Glock and aimed it at Jimbo's face. "I said LET HER GO!" Jimbo smiled and said, "She's our insurance policy, she's our Get Out of Jail Free card." "Take me instead", Scott suggested. "She has nothing to do with this, she's just a girl. "She's your girl. How about I gut her and watch you watch her die?" Scott flips on his laser sight and puts the red dot on Jimbo's head. "She dies, she goes to Heaven, you go to Hell." The moment is tense. Jimbo ducks behind his daughter. Chicken shit. "Enough!", someone shouted from behind Jimbo. Another guy stepped out. Holy crap. Paydirt. It was the leader of the group. They had been looking for him for a very long time. The leader walked up to Jimbo and his daughter and moved the hair out of her face. She spit in his face. That's his girl. The leader wiped his face. "We'll take that trade." Scott's boss started to object but the look Scott gave him changed his mind. "Send her over", Scott told them. "How about you guys meet halfway? That's fair...right?" But don't try anything stupid because she's wired with enough explosives to level downtown". For the first time Scott notice the green light and explosives that was strapped to his girl.
Scott turned back to Jen. They were partners but there also seemed like there was something more. She was pretty and smart. But neither one acted anything but professional. Maybe eventually it would have led to something more but now who knows? Jen really got along with his girl too. His girl had asked just the other day when he was gonna ask Jen out? He didn't know. He knew he had to get his girl safe. That was main thing. They could do whatever to him but not his little girl. "Thanks for everything. You don't know how much you mean to me", he told Jen. "Yeah I do", she told him back. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "We'll find you." "You better". He shook his other partner Dave's hand. "It's been fun". This sure felt like a goodbye.
He looked around at the other faces. Was he ever gonna see any of these people again?
He turned back and stepped toward his girl and she started the long walk toward him. Halfway he bent down and picked up his girl. "I love you princess." "I know daddy, I love you too." "You gonna go and kick some bad guy's butts?" Seven years old and so grown up. "Yeah, daddy's got some butt kicking to do." "When you get back are you gonna finally ask Jen out?" Scott looked back to where Jen was standing by the SUV. "Yeah I've got some things to do first but when I get back I will. Will you tell her how much I like her?". "I have dad. We talk all the time. You know girl stuff". Scott started to tear up. "Well remind her anyways for me. Be a big girl for me. I love you and I always will." "Me too daddy." He hugged her again and sat her back down. The bomb squad guys waited for her. Scott walk on and stopped in front of Jimbo was smirking at him. "That was so touching...I almost got weepy." Scott struck so fast that Jimbo didn't have time to react. It was a straight right to his jaw and Scott could feel some teeth give and Jimbo's jaw snapped back and he crumpled to the ground. Scott turned to the leader who was holding the radio control. "You got something to say?" "Yeah he was an asshole and deserved that." Scott felt a sting in his shoulder. Jimbo had stuck him with a needle. The lights dimmed and went out.
When he woke up he was in a bright room. There was bright lights shining down on him. He tried to move but he was strapped down to some stainless steel table. That didn't bother as much as the wires coming off the electrodes attach to his head, chest and groin. This wasn't gonna be fun. Jimbo walked up to the table and smiled at Scott. Well if you could call that a smile. His face was a mess. His lips were blue and red. You could see where a couple of his teeth had cut through his top lip. He was missing a couple of his front teeth. "Nice smile, you from Arkansas?", he asked Jimbo. "Laugh it up, funny man. We'll see who's laughing in a minute. The boss is gonna let me do the interigation", Jimbo mumbled though his broken face. "Did the boss let you shave my balls too? Bet you like that. You didn't play with them did you?" Jimbo's smile disappeared and he punched Scott in the face. "That's it? That's all you got? My seven year old daughter hits harder than that." Jimbo drew back his arm to strike again but the boss stopped him as he stepped into the room. "That's enough." To Scott, "We want to find out how much you know about us." "I know you guys are assholes". "Well are we gonna get this party started? My balls are getting a little chilly." "Well lets warm them up shall we", Jimbo said as he pulled the switch.
Downstars at the front desk the lights flicker and dimmed. Two thugs with automatic assault rifles smile at each other. "Someone's having fun." A faint far off scream pierces the quiet calm night.

The Redhead and the Corpse

a true story by Russell Pinkston

We all have lost a love one who meant alot to us. This story has nothing to do with that. It's about cruising for chicks at a funeral (after there all there always seems to be at least one person who is single).

Years before Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn did it in The Wedding Crashers there was me. Sexy, adorable, sensitive, little ol' me. I was at my peak. I was irrisistable. I was charming. I was eight. Yeah the ladies loved me. I was four foot tall, eighty some pounds of strapping muscle, skin, and bone. Ok maybe not so much muscle. But I was tenacious.

So there I was at a funeral. Whose? Who was that corspe in the nice suit? Really couldn't say but pretty sure but it was a family member. I think maybe it was my grandfather on my mother's side.  At the reception there was this guy. I didn't know him but once again I had the feeling he was family of some sort. But this isn't about him. This is about the girl he brought with him. His girl, his date (who brings a date to a funeral anyways?) She was early twenties and she had a great body (hey I may have snuck a peek at one of my dad's Playboys) so I kind of knew a good looking lady...and she did), and flaming red hair. She was hot (ok at eight I probably thought my mom was hot but that is beside the point). She knew I wanted her. The ladies could always tell. When you got it you can't hide it. Somehow this bet or more like a challenge was presented to me. If I could raise enough money and give it to the guy (was he her pimp?) than she would be mine. I think we agreed on the sum of $2.50 (alot of money back in the day). Forget grandpa (I'll miss you, gotta go). I had more important things to do. So there I was hitting up the mourners for cash. I got a nickel here, a dime there, here a quarter, there a penny (cheapskate). For what seemed like all day (probably more like a hour) I begged and pleaded for money. I think everyone was in on it and was told not to give me much. Sure...mess with a eight year old with a heart of gold and a premature sex drive. Each time I felt dispair and discouraged I would catch a glimpse of that red hair. Renewed determination. I wanted her. I had to have her. She was gonna be mine. I didn't have any idea what I would do with a redhead. I just knew I had to have one.

Finally at the end of the time limit the pimp...guy asked me how much I had accumulated. I took the change out of my pockets as the redhead and the crowd looked on. I counted it out than counted it again. I had only raised like $2.25. One more beeping quarter was all I needed. Pimp guy said "Sorry pal, maybe next time." He told everyone goodbye and with redhead in tow he turned to leave. The redhead looked back and gave me a smile. What? No? Come on man. Cut me some slack. Give a guy a break. After all my grandpa just died. Then they were gone. To this day funerals aways make me cry.

Big Girl and Little Boy

a true story by Russell Pinkston

Alright before you jump my butt about my title...I don't mean to offend anyone. It's just a title and it just happens to sum up my story so I went with it. Maybe it is a little politically incorrect for the times (but the times were the early 80's and I wasn't quite 10 yet). This takes place back when I was in elementary school (Yeah! Go Roadrunners!). Times were tough. There were gangs everywhere. Ok so they were just gangs of little kids. But when a bunch of kids congregate together you know someone's gonna get hurt....and this time was no different. I was on my way out of gym..back before the renamed it P.E. I had to walk down this long dark hallway to get from the gym to the main concourse. There were like 4 guys in the hall and they were talking to this girl. I didn't want to stick my nose into other people's business and besides those kids looked like trouble. So I kept my head down and started to walk by. The guys had sort of cornered this girl. I kind of over heard a little. They weren't talking to her as much as they were picking on her and were calling her names.  I was no hero and besides it was time for my next class so I just kept on. Until....one of the kids called out my name. "Hey Russell". Oh no...that was my name. They were all bigger than me. Besides back in elementary I was a lover and not a fighter. But I just knew I was gonna get it. I pretended to not hear my name and kept moving. But one of the kids step in front of me. "Hey Russell". How did they even know my name? They had to be a couple of grades ahead of me. Well I couldn't pretend not to hear any longer. "Huh, what...you talking to me?" "Your name is Russell isn't it? It was. "Ahhh...Yeah." That's right talk your way out of it. "Me and the guys here were just telling this girl here how fat she was. What do you think?" I look at the girl who was actually a bit taller than the boys. You can tell the girl had been crying. "Ah......", I stammered. She might of been kind of big...I guess. One might say she was a little athletic like. Did she work out. Who knows maybe she was a little big boned. I didn't know. I only seen one way out for myself and that was going with the flow. "Yeah, I guess. She might be a little fat".  That girl's head snapped around and she glared at me. Her eyes bore into me. Her lips curled up and she snarled. She reached over with both hands and grabbed me by my shirt and lifted me off the ground. My gym bag fell to the floor. Did I just hear her growl? She spun me around and slammed me against the wall. *Note to builders of elementary schools. Do not build the walls out of cinder blocks and tile. Tile is for the floors only. Any tile on the wall may look nice but when a wimp of a boy gets slammed into the wall it is gonna hurt HIM. She really appeared to be mad. She just kept slamming me into the wall. My head just kept bouncing off that nice looking tile wall. "Don't worry guys I'll wear her down for you". I looked around for the other 4 boys and to ask for their assistance but they were no longer there. What the.... So there I was all alone with this girl who was taking all her frustration and anger out on poor little me. I might of passed out for a bit....I don't remember but she eventually she stopped. Maybe she got tired. Maybe or maybe just she got hungry. Whatever the reason she dropped me to the ground where I slumped against the wall and I slid to the floor. I just gonna rest. I needed a break. I think I got a concussion instead. The girl left me there lying on the floor. Eventually I pulled myself up and picked up my gym bag. I headed on to my next class whatever that was. I don't remember seeing that girl every again...I didn't want to see her again. Actually I don't think I even remember what she looked like. All I can recall is my head, wall, repeat. There is a lesson in this story. I believe all though the rest of school I had never repeated the same mistake. If ever in the future some girl would have ask me if a outfit made her look fat I would have ran.  I really can't take another concussion.

Best Excuse EVER!

a true story by Russell Pinkston

Most everyone has done it. You didn't want to go to work for some reason or another. So you called in and told your boss that you would not be coming in today. But what excuse did you use. That you were sick or you're having car trouble? I had already used the I am sick excuse several times before. One time in Phoenix I even skipped work, called in sick, and went to the waterpark with my friends. I even got a real bad sunburn. The next day my co-workers ask me how I was feeling. I told them I was still wasn't feeling that good. To which someone replied "Yeah you don't look so good, your face is all red." I almost laughed out loud but I didn't, "Yeah I don't feel so good." That was a good excuse but I knew I could do better. Here's my best excuse ever. I was attending school in Arizona and working at a grocery store in the deli. Scott was a sacker (paper or plastic?). One day (not the first) after school Scott and I decided we didn't want to go to work. Our boss was getting really tired of us calling in all the time. The same old excuse wasn't gonna work this time. It was gonna have to be really exceptional. Smiling with the perfect excuse in mind I headed down to the pay phone by the pool quarters in hand with Scott trailing behind me. Scott took the money from me and deposited the money, dialed the number, and handed me the phone. This was gonna have to be handle by a professional. After a few seconds our boss answered. SHOWTIME. I held the phone so both Scott and I could hear. "Yeah Jesse this is Russell, ah...Scott and I are not gonna be able to work tonight." "And just why not?" Jesse asked. I could tell he was upset. "Well....because we're in jail". Scott starts to laugh. I give him the SHUT UP look. Jesse says "Jail? Why are you guys in jail? What happened?" "What'd you guys do?" "Yeah...I was stopped for speeding and the cop did a routine search of my truck and found a bag of marijuana tuck into the seat." Jesse was excited now? "Marijuana? You guys had dope on you?" Scott was almost rolling on the ground laughing. I shove him away. I was having a hard time keeping a straight face and staying in "character". Scott leans back in to listen. I tell Jesse, "It wasn't our weed. It was a friend of ours that I gave a ride to a couple of days ago." Jesse, "Oh man that sucks." Me, "You're telling me. It's gonna take some time to get this straightened out." "I just wanted to use my one phone call to let you know what was going on and that we wouldn't be in tonight." Jesse, "Thanks for calling and good luck." Me, "Thanks, I don't know how long this will take but hopefully we will be into work tommorrow." Jesse, "Ok, you guys take care." Me, "We will, thanks." We said goodbye and I hung up. Scott and I laughed. I said to Scott, "Well... we got the day off." We laugh some more and high fived. "Now what are we gonna do?" 

The next day we went into work and we had to tell our co-workers our fake adventures leading up to and including our incarceration. A couple of people called me names like dopehead or druggie. They didn't even doubt the story or even consider all the holes in it. Now who were the dopeheads? I even came up with another better excuse for Scott to use the next time he didn't want to go to work but he never used it. I told him to call in like an hour or two late and tell Jesse that he had met this girl that morning and one thing led to another and they ended up at a motel. And in the preparation of sex she tied him up, robbed him, left him tied naked up to the bed and that he was tied up for several hours till the maid came in and called the police. THAT would of been the best excuse ever and Scott could have pulled it off if he wasn't such a chicken but my boss would NEVER believed it coming from me, "You had sex Russell, yeah right...GET BACK TO WORK!"

Tap, Tap, Tap

 

a true story by Russell Pinkston

 

This is another Phoenix story. We were coming back from South Mountain (a local hangout that overlooks the valley). I believe the cast of characters were Rey...who was driving, Maggie (Rey's girlfriend) who was in the front passenger seat, than Scott and I were in the back. It was dark and pretty late. We were just on the edge of the city and pulled to a stop at a red light. We sat there waiting. We heard loud TAP, TAP, TAP noice. Was there something wrong with the car? No I don't so... but we didn't know what it was that was making that sound or where it was coming from. We all looked around. Than we heard it again. TAP, TAP, TAP. What the heck is that? Scott and I look out the side passenger window to where a van had also had pulled to a stop at the light. Then we knew what made that sound. The van was a older model not like the mini vans they have today. It was a big rusted beast of a van. Behind the wheel was a a big bearded monster of a man. This guy had a crazed wild eyed look and was he grinning at us? He was looking at us and...TAP, TAP, TAP. In his hand he held a knife...it wasn't just a dinky ol' pocket knife...it was one of those Crocodile Dundee things. It was a "That's not a knife, this is a knife" kind of knives". The blade of the knife itself had to be 12 inches...no really it was a BIG fricking knife. For all I knew it could of been a machete it was so fricking long. The sound we had heard was the man tapping that big ass knife on his window. Oh crap...which I am not exactly sure I didn't actually do. It was dark, we couldn't see. We all started to feel around for something we could use to defend ourselves with. That car had nothing in it. Scott found a old armrest with a screw sticking out (probably a sign on how screwed we were). I reached under Rey's seat and pulled out a big....box of kleenx. A BOX OF KLEENX! What the beep was I gonna do with that! Use it to stop the bleeding after he gutted me? Use it to wipe my ass? Actually it probably could come in handy for that. We were all freaking out and that red light still hadn't turn green yet. We told Rey to run the light. Rey punch it and left the van behind. Maybe he was just messing with us or maybe he already had a van full of dead bodies and had no more room. That guy was death and we never wanted to see him again.

The Gun

a true story by Russell Pinkston

Well I guess I can tell you the story of the pictures of Scott and I holding "the gun". It was back when Scott and I were attending school in Phoenix, AZ. We were roomates and our apartment overlooked the pool and the public telephone. One evening Scott overheard a woman crying loudly on the on the phone. Actually Scott couldn't hear the tv over the woman's sobbing. He would have probably ignored it and just turned the volume up but he also observed her bloody and ripped clothes. So being the hero that he was he headed down to the phone to talk to her and see if he could help her or see at least if she could keep it down. I followed along as "backup". Her belligerant husband soon showed up and quickly turned his rage on Scott and I. He warned us not to interfere and mind our own business. Scott informed him he would have but he couldn't hear his tv and didn't condone a guy beating up on a woman. Scott told the guy to leave her alone or else get his ass beat. The guy said that he would shoot us. (Us, ah...what there's no us...I am not with him...I just wanted to use the phone). So much for the back up. Before it could get ugly the police showed up. They took the guy away for public intoxication. The police was taking down our stories when the lady informed us and the police that indeed her husband really did have a gun. She took us to her apartment and in the closet in a space in the ceiling she showed the police the gun. That big beeping gun in the pictures. He also had a loaded clip that held 20 or so Winchester 308 rounds. The police let us hold the gun and even took the pictures for us. The cop even gave me the loaded clip which I still have today. Anyways the police and us convinced the lady to go to a battered woman's shelter before the guy got out the next day. About two weeks later we we sitting in our apartment with the front door open when the husband walked in...like he was IN our apartment.  He appear to be sober this time. We were just a bit nervous that he was actually standing in our living room. He asked us how we we doing (ah crapping our pants) and said he had just stopped by to say hello. He didn't stay long and it was a good thing because I don't think either one of us let out our breath till he was gone. What was that about? That was the last time we seen him and the last time coincidentally we left our apartment door open.

RussellMania

a true story written by Russell Pinkston

Is this a story about an underdog triumphing over adversity in the face of overwhelming odds? Nah....this is about two guys with no skills whatsoever slugging it out for no reason at all. 

So there I am back in high school (yeah Wildcats rule!) in between classes. I had to go to my locker and change out my books from the last class for the next one. As I approach my locker I notice Kelly Moore (a friend of Scott's) was standing in front of my locker talking to a couple of his friends. I didn't feel like waiting or even being polite so I kind of gently moved him over and out of my way. Kelly looked back to see who had pushed him over but seeing it was only me he turned back to continue talking to the guys. But his friends weren't gonna let it slide. They said to Kelly. "Hey are you gonna let him push you around like that." The other one said, "Yeah you gonna take that crap from him." Kelly wasn't gonna make a big deal of it and said "He probably didn't even mean to push me, it was probably just a accident." His friends wasn't buying the accident thing. They kept on Kelly until he turned back to me. I had just made the book switch and closed my locker. Kelly asked me if I shoved him on purpose...to which I replied, "Yeah, you were kind of in my way." His friends keep on him. One of the other guys added, "You should kick his ass". "Yeah Kelly, why don't you beat his ass." Peer pressure...gotta love it. I was like...whatever I have to get to class. Danny Wolf said "Why don't you two box." "Yeah right...just where are we gonna get some boxing gloves?" Danny replied, "I have some in my truck,". Crap! "Why don't you two meet in the weight room at lunch and you can settle this like men". Why not they weren't having anything good in the lunchroom anyways. So sure it was all set. This was gonna be the fight of the year. And Kelly was gonna be in a world of hurt. What you gonna do brother when Russellmania runs wild over you. At lunch I was shown where the weightroom was (as if I had ever been in the weightroom before). I thought this was gonna be a a little friendly expedition between two friends. We're just gonna spar a bit. That's all. I open the door to the weightroom and there was Kelly waiting for me. It was just him, his two friends, and 50 other people. My jaw would of dropped if I didn't already have my game face on. I got helped into my gloves, hopped around a bit, and jabbed at the air. I felt good. This was gonna be a walk in the park. This big guy named Clint was gonna referee. We both met at the middle of the mat. LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE. Clint explained the rules...that basically there were no rules. If someone's head popped off and they couldn't reattach it than most likely the fight would be over and the fighter still with a head would be declared the winner. LET'S GET IT ON. The fight started and we both bounced and circled each other, occasionally throwing a jab at each other. This went on for a bit until the ref/Clint informed us we needed to make some contact. "You two better fight or I will beat both your asses." Motivation. We both charged and swung at each. There for a glorious twenty seconds we went toe to toe. We were punching for all we were worth. We were both winded and I thought maybe I WAS having a heart attack...was I too young to have a heart attack? After the intial flurry that wore us out we punched only when promped by the ref. " I think I will fight the loser," Clint said. Some more incentive. More punches were thrown. I can't really say how long this bout lasted (probably just a couple of minutes) but it seemed like an eternity. Neither of us were very skilled in the art of boxing (yeah I can honestly say...he sucked...I mean we). I don't remember very much of that fight. Could of been the head trama I was received. I couldn't even say who was winning. All I know is I gave it all I had. I left it all out there on the mat. Toward the end of the fight was when I remember I landed my best punch. We were tied up and just had been seperated when the door to the weight room opened. Someone in the crowd yelled, "It's the principal." It wasn't, just some guy arriving late. But Kelly looked to see who it was. I didn't. Sucker! I steped up and swung my right fist with all my might and landed it to the side of his head. My punch knock him back and off balance but not for long...he got his balance back and even appeared to be a little pissed off...we went at it again. A few minutes later the fight was called for lack of action...or they felt sorry for us...or was it they felt we were sorry? Referee Clint didn't know me and hated Kelly so it was it was an easy decision for him to make. I was declared the winner. Yeah...that'll teach him for messing with me and standing in front of MY locker. After the fight I went to my next class...Anatomy. My face was red, my head was pounding and my stomach ached. That was the worst I have ever felt. I don't think the food in the lunch room would have made me feel nearly this bad.