Thursday, September 23, 2010

Best Excuse EVER!

a true story by Russell Pinkston

Most everyone has done it. You didn't want to go to work for some reason or another. So you called in and told your boss that you would not be coming in today. But what excuse did you use. That you were sick or you're having car trouble? I had already used the I am sick excuse several times before. One time in Phoenix I even skipped work, called in sick, and went to the waterpark with my friends. I even got a real bad sunburn. The next day my co-workers ask me how I was feeling. I told them I was still wasn't feeling that good. To which someone replied "Yeah you don't look so good, your face is all red." I almost laughed out loud but I didn't, "Yeah I don't feel so good." That was a good excuse but I knew I could do better. Here's my best excuse ever. I was attending school in Arizona and working at a grocery store in the deli. Scott was a sacker (paper or plastic?). One day (not the first) after school we decided to we didn't want to go to work. Our boss was getting really tired of us calling in all the time. The same old excuse wasn't gonna work this time. It was gonna have to be really exceptional. Smiling with the perfect excuse in mind I headed down to the pay phone by the pool with Scott trailing behind me. Scott deposited the money, dialed the number, and handed me the phone. This was gonna have to be handle by a professional. After a few seconds our boss answered. SHOWTIME. I held the phone so both Scott and I could hear. "Yeah Jesse this is Russell, ah...Scott and I are not gonna be able to work tonight." "And why not?" Jesse asked. I could tell he was upset. "Well....because we're in jail". Scott starts to laugh. I give him the shut the beep up look. Jesse says "Jail? Why are you guys in jail? What happened?" "I was stopped for speeding and the cop did a routine search of my truck and found a bag of marijuana tuck into the seat." Jesse was excited now? "Marijuana? You guys had dope on you?" Scott was almost rolling on the ground laughing. I shove him away. I was having a hard time keeping a straight face and staying in "character". Scott leans back in to listen. I tell Jesse, "It wasn't our weed. It was a friend of ours that I gave a ride to a couple of days ago." Jesse, "Oh man that sucks." Me, "You're telling me. It's gonna take some time to get this straightened out." "I just wanted to use my phone call and let you know what was going on and that we wouldn't be in tonight." Jesse, "Thanks for calling and good luck." Me, "Thanks, I don't know how long this will take but hopefully we will be into work tommorrow." Jesse, "Ok, you guys take care." Me, "We will, thanks." We said goodbye and I hung up. Scott and I laughed. I said to Scott, "Well... we got the day off." We laugh some more and high fived. "Now what are we gonna do?" The next day we went into work and we had to tell our co-workers our adventures leading up to and including our incarceration. A couple of people called me names like dopehead and druggie. They didn't even doubt the story or even consider all the holes in it. Now who were the dopeheads? I even came up with another better excuse for Scott to use the next time he didn't want to go to work but he never used it. I told him to call in like an hour or two late and tell Jesse that he had met this girl that morning and one thing led to another and they ended up at a motel. And in the process of sex tied him up and than robbed him and left him tied naked to the bed. He was tied up for several hours til the maid came in and called the police. THAT would of been the best excuse ever. Scott could have pulled it off if he wasn't such a chicken but my boss would never believe it coming from me, "You had sex, yeah right...GET BACK TO WORK."

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